For me, writing has always meant capturing my thoughts in words. As there are so many of them. Hundreds of them. At all times. And I like them. They are a proof that my mind is still operating. My brain still functioning. Doing what it should – Thinking. Pondering. And I did not wish them to fade with time. Especially, the important ones. While there are so many things happening around me simultaneously, I found that the mind was getting less and less spacious. Crowded with no room for the piling thoughts. So then, What was the best option other than writing? And I started carrying a notepad with me (you will always see a notepad in my hand clung to my chest with the couple of books that I always adorn myself with). And I began writing down every little detail that caught my attention. At the start, I jotted just a few sentences like these (one from my college days, about 5 years ago),
A 10-year-old boy selling bright red roses while at the traffic signal. Does he know how important getting educated is? Will he keep selling his life to the traffic signals like this forever? But he doesn’t care. His smile is just as bright as the roses he sells just when a rich lady in car buys a bunch from him for half the price he is selling them for! God bless him!
or this (a personal experience),
I see a bicycle fellow rushing through the narrow street. A man. Not blind. But did act as one. Trampled on without even so much as slowing down just when a pigeon trotted through the street and had her wing caught under the merciless wheel. I ran with my sister. Lord, she was bleeding. The wing was torn apart. We washed and wiped and bandaged her. And when I placed her down from my hands, she looked up. Right in my eyes. And did I feel her saying something through those blank blinking eyes?
and many more thoughts. In time, they turned descriptive and sentences got transformed into paragraphs. And then pages.
When I started to blog which was a few months ago from now, I hadn’t planned it. To put an unorganized thought into action. But merely the fact, that I wanted to share these thoughts with you. And there was the first post I wrote. One that every new blogger experiences.
Just yesterday, while maneuvering through my site, I saw that a hundred and sixteen proficient writers had approved of this post by conveying their vote. I thought it was an illusion. I shook my head and blinked my eyes rapidly a few dozen times to clear the illusion. But it was true. And I cannot believe it. I still can’t. Yes, it is unbelievable for me to have received all your love and appreciation on this piece of writing. I feel as though I’m walking in a dream where I see things. Beautiful things. And I am enjoying the pleasure they bring me. But I know it is not real. As it is just a dream. But when I pinch myself I find out that it is not a dream. I am very much awake. 116 likes! Unbelievable!
When I was drafting this post,
- Did I think I was writing something worth a read?
- Did I think I was writing something that the readers could relate to?
- Did I think that it would receive all this support?
- Did I think myself deserving of the love bestowed in the form of words?
To be honest, No! Not even in my wildest dreams.
As a person, I have always been an introvert. Attention gets me nervous. Shitty nervous. And suddenly having received so much attention and love, I do not know how to react.
There are many talented writers. Much much better than me. And I feel disappointment creeping in me when I do not see their work appreciated as much. And me? I am just a starter. A learner who hopes to improve. I feel Lord has been highly unfair. He’s allotted me more than my share. It’s a lot.
And I sincerely want to thank each one of you for the confidence you’ve shown in me. For all your love. For all the support. You help me to keep going while I’m at it.