Just Half A Step Back…

Today. I walked and walked.
And never stopped.
Although, my legs hurt I didn’t slow down.
There was a need.
Not a sudden one.
One that has been building up.
All these years.
All these days.
All these hours.
Spent with thoughts of you.

I do not know why. But today, I just couldn’t stop myself.
From thinking. From wishing.
That I had you by my side.
That I walked next to you.
Measuring my steps with yours.
Linking my little finger with yours.
Staying close to you. Feeling the way I do.
In a world. Just Me & You.

Yes, so I am dreaming again.
And I know its not possible.
And there’s a weird hollowness. A painful sickness.
And I feel sorry for myself as I cannot even
tell you how I feel right now.
Because I know what you’d say.
Just like you’d said then.
“Please don’t say that. We’re FRIENDS.
Just Friends. Nothing more.”

And I know what that means.
Bury your feelings deep inside.
Deep from where they cannot come back.

And I have done that once.
And I have struggled to live with it.
To move on.
Accepting what you meant when you’d said.
“Just Friends, is what we are.”
And yes, I know what it means. Just like I knew then.
To keep longing for you.

But even after all these years.
I’ve always dreamt to be with you.
A dream that might never come true.
Can I ever tell you this? That I want to be with you.
Every minute of every day. Till I live.
But it breaks my heart to see that it is just a dream.
One of my vague dreams. Nothing more.

That day is still fresh in my mind.
I remember looking into your eyes when
I confessed how I felt about you.
A look I’ll always remember.

Your smile had faded by just a bit.
The gleam in your eyes faded by just a bit.
And you took half a step back.
Just Half a Step Back.. Suddenly!

Creating a distance between us.
To get away from me.
And it hurt. It hurt like shit.
But had I known how much distant
you were going to get with that half a step?

And Yes, I’d merely stared when you’d said that.
Merely nodded. Yes, I did.
But I wanted you to see. And how could you not?
That I’d hummed a low agreement because
I didn’t want to see you go.
But you did!

Asha Seth

62 thoughts on “Just Half A Step Back…

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    1. Hi dear, so sorry to have replied so late. Thank you so much for your kind words of appreciation, they mean a lot. Sad to know you had to go through something like this. But I’m sure the phase has passed leaving you even stronger.

      Keep coming. 🙂

      -Asha

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    1. Welcome back Hitesh. Hope all is well. And thanks much for your approval of the post. Glad you like it. And of course, the new look too.! 😉

      Keep coming!

      -Asha

      Like

  1. Well, if the imagination is so great … Then I think u’ll be the best person in the world to handle even worse scenarios in ur life and will deal it in a much more matured manner … Coz even without experiencing, u’ve expressed it the way it is .. ! Too good

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    1. Thats pretty admirable observation Kairav. But I doubt it as most of the times we encounter situations we’ve never anticipated.

      Keep coming!

      -Asha

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    1. Thank you Tapish. 🙂 After a real long time! Hope you are best as ever!
      And thanks but no, its not true and I hope it doesn’t ever be for anyone. 😉

      -A S

      Like

      1. I know. Couldn’t read much of your blog after Diwali. Something or the other kept me busy!
        Yes, this time I’m as best I could have been 😉 and hope the same for you!
        Cheers.

        Like

        1. Our-busy lives!
          And Yes it pretty much is almost the same. Been helping my best friend with some cookie-baking and things for Christmas. It is always fun. Not only you get to enjoy the fresh-made cookies but also spend some fun-time together cracking jokes and girly gossips. 😀

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            1. A very happy Christmas to you and your loved ones too, Tapish! Enjoy the festive season with loads of cakes and cookies! At-least that’s what I’m going to do! 😛

              Take care! 🙂

              -Asha

              Like

  2. Thanks for the follow. I hope I will write something that will interest you. Your comments & thoughts are always welcomed. Peace & blessings.

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    1. Hi David, I am happy to have reached your awesome blog following the footprints you left at mine. Thank you much! I will keep coming often as I find your writing interesting as it is.

      Cheers!

      -Asha

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    1. Thank you Priyank and no, it is not me.
      An element of my imagination she is. I am not so good with writing imaginative prose and hence just tried. It is purely fictional and has no resemblance to anything living or dead. 😉
      And your words are plenty inspiring. Let them flow around here often. Keep coming. 🙂

      -A S

      Like

  3. Tears. Tugs at the heart.

    Asha, thank you for your award. I hardly visit the blog on which you noted it because it’s actually the shell for what will become a webpage and while I was ill I did few if any visits to blogs.

    I will post on it soon, maybe next week. I’m grateful and honored. Big hugs.

    Blog on, dear Asha. Be well …

    Like

    1. Hi Jamie, how are you keeping now? Hope you are best at health again!
      You don’t really have to post anything dear. It is just to say how much I admire your work.It is nice to see you back here again.
      Much love to you. 🙂

      -A S

      Like

  4. I think a lot of people will relate to this post, I like how you didn’t overplay it, it wasn’t dramatic just…so darn realistic and emotional. Wonderful writing and i’m liking the new profile pic too.

    Like

    1. Thanks J. And good to see you around here after a while.
      Your compliments are always bounteous motivation to someone like me. The fact that it is described just how it was needed makes it easy for others to relate to it, so I believe.
      And nice to know you like the picture (blushing) 😛 Thank you!

      Keep coming!

      -A S

      Like

      1. Time constraint is a never ending issue.. atleast for me. I wish I could visit around yours more often. And apologies about what, my friend??

        ~Asha

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        1. Making you blush, although I’m sure it only adds to your charm. Once i get some wireless connection set up at the new house I shall be logging in and blogging every day hopefully and of course visiting those blogs that makes me happy…

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          1. Heheh…And you’ve settled in your new house? How do you find it? I always find it a little too painful to move to new places.

            Keep coming as it makes not only you but me happy as well. 🙂

            -Asha

            Like

    2. The new house hasn’t affected me yet, being as I am surrounded by books i am happy. All I need now is the internet and I can indulge my blogging and then my word shall be complete.

      Like

      1. Yes, yes! Books make you feel homely and utterly welcome no matter where! All the best with the internet connectivity. Hope it is all fixed and running soon and you have a complete world.

        Take care! 🙂

        -Asha

        Like

  5. hi Asha

    Just went through this post. And can you do me a favour . Is there a way i can get your autograph on my post. That will be the biggest gift for me . I am your fan not sure if the first but i am your fan now, how can someone be so deep in her thoughts and write so well which is of a standard not sure who else can achieve. Looking forward to hear from you . Here is my new post.

    http://shwetalfoundhappiness.wordpress.com/2012/12/13/power-of-perception

    Like

    1. Hi Shwetal,
      I just try to write while I struggle with words and my thoughts. I follow writers who write so well and me, well, my work is just mediocre to the last degree. Your words make me feel flattered nonetheless. 🙂 Thank you so much. Will check the post soon.

      -Asha

      Like

    1. Hi dear Renx, I smile everytime I see you here. You are so sweet. 🙂 And no, this isn’t a true story. Atleast not for me but for some it might be. It is sad though whether me or someone else.

      Just pure imagination that I tried to blend with words.

      Enjoy!

      -A S

      Like

“I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions.” ― James A. Michener

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