An Inchoate Flame

For the first time today, I smiled at you. Well, it was first time in the history of me that I smiled at a stranger. Now that is a revelation one seldom gets to learn of me so you should be happy. But wait, you don’t even have an inkling of what I am talking. I let it rest; no point haranguing my heart over something that trivial.

Coming back to ‘For the first time today, I smiled at you’, yes. I am not extroverted. But I ain’t introverted too. If there is a middle-ground between the two, you’ll find me searching a cube there. That makes me think – why isn’t there a term for people with both tendencies in equilibrium? Like when people ask me out for a drink, I can’t say I am introverted and hence I won’t. But I am not exactly extroverted too; if I get good vibes about a person I might as well take up on the offer. I find myself perennially in peril.

Zap me back to the topic, reader, you better do, for I love straying away at length. Talking of straying, until some days ago, I felt as if I was straying away from all the undue attention you would bestow upon my frame. I say my frame, because my character, you are yet to acquaint with. I am intrigued to know what about my petite frame has pleased your senses. For I have never once failed to feel your interested eyes thoroughly parade and scan my physical persona. Now are you interested in the way I think you are, or are you just, you know…?!

I feel, we may perhaps, only be glimpse-acquainted with one another, forever. I have seen how a tiny mischievous smile plays upon your lips when our eyes meet for a cursory moment, before you force them to depart from my curious gaze. I wish to know the meaning of that. I also wish that you let them force a smile from me. Maybe then, we could both be at a liberty of making a lovesick attempt. Well, not counting chickens here, but you know what I mean?

Is this going to go anywhere? Is it too soon to expect? Am I only day-dreaming, hoping to be the vestibule of your affections? Are we going to let this little adventure die at the hands of apathetic abandonment?

~~~~~
Asha Seth

18 thoughts on “An Inchoate Flame

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  1. Well Written. Everyone must have had this thought at various points in their lives. Regardless of the outcome, these moments sure are thrilling

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    1. Yes, that’s what made it motivating for me to write. Also because, everyone reacts and responds differently to such affairs and I was hopeful some readers may share their experiences.

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  2. I love this, many times had I been in the situation of possibly (probably) imagined subtle liaisons with someone. The not knowing is both intoxicating and mortifying. I love how you describe the feelings here, it is extremely relatable to many people I think.

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    1. Needless to say, of course, I have been privy to such feelings a few times myself and to those of others around. It has always intrigued me to know what does rather run dry after those first few instances of anxious excitement when you meet someone, who may seem like ‘the one’.

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      1. Agreed, it is an intriguing avenue of thought. It’s the not knowing exactly what the other person is thinking that provides both the fun and the anxiety.

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  3. This is so beautiful!! Wouldn’t have minded reading a hundred more pages written by you!! You are fabulous, Asha!!😊❤

    PS: There is a term for people who are neither introvert nor extrovert, for people with both tendencies , and that term is- AMBIVERT .Hope it helps you!!😊

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    1. I could write on. But I felt it was the right time to stop. Anymore text could’ve killed it. That’s the reader in me, speaking. Yes, I do know now but somehow I don’t like the feel of it. You?

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      1. Oh! I thought that you actually were in a perplexity, and wanted to be able to represent your situation!😄 You know, there are some words every writer loves and is obsessed with. But there are also words that just don’t make one feel, words that don’t leave you in an awe of them or may be just the way they are pronounced or written!! 😄 It happens with everyone!! But you know, there are words that one neither finds beautifully crafted nor unsatisfactory and this word is one among them, for me.😊
        And yes, what you wrote was perfectly enough to send chills up anybody’s spine !!😊 You’re phenomenal, and I hope you know that sweetheart!!😉❤

        PS: I am an ambivert, are you?

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        1. I couldn’t deny being an ambivert. The protagonist of this story is undeniably pretty much like me. I am amazed at how some words make you feel, it’s like magic. Like ‘chimera’ is a word that makes the blood in my veins rush whereas ‘litter’ makes my skin cringe. Do you have such words that make you feel differently on mere pronunciation?

          You make me smile with your little sweet compliments. Thank you very much. Love, Asha. 🙂

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          1. Yes I do have such words like ‘ruin’ ,’symphony’ , ‘chime’ ,’magnanimous’ , ‘cacophony’ ‘wander’, and the list goes on forever!😊
            Ah, I’m glad I made you smile!😊
            Love
            Riddhima

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“I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions.” ― James A. Michener

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