Day 45: When Dad left for his Maker…

It’s been a while I’ve wanted to write and tell you things. Tell you why I’ve not been around of late. I couldn’t gather the courage. For I know, the pain that I feel, you’d feel too. But here I am. Finally. Making a lackadaisical attempt.

Exactly, a year ago, this time, I had jotted down this post on dad’s 50th birthday and the mere act of pouring out my feelings had driven me to cloud nine. My happiness knew no bounds then as I scribbled every word with so much love in the heart of each. It was Dad’s 50th birthday. Everyone one of you who were with me in my happiness, who shared your words and wishes, I want you to know that your wishes did turn times around, for me and my family. But little did we know that the happiness was short-lived.

23rd of July this year, dad left us and crossed over to the other world. He fought a long battle with his illnesses. That and only that brings some consolation to our grieving hearts, thinking that he is freed from his sufferings. Dad was and will always be an embodiment of courage and goodness. And now that he traverses in the afterlife, I hope he is younger and much happier, liberated of mortal miseries. I hope he is flying higher, with his arms outstretched, fresh hopes filling his lungs with the gush of air that grazes his face, his hair, his hands, the angel of death by his side, smiling at him, with admiration. Yes, that’s what he was. Adoration and admiration galore.

In Hindu mythology, it is believed, that after a soul crosses over to that side, it lingers around, in the space between heaven and earth, like in vacuum, for 13 days, not knowing what waits for it. On the 13th day, when all rituals are completed, it begins its journey away from earth, all its mortal bonds severed. Thereafter, it makes a journey of 352 days and finally reaches at the doorstep of the kingdom of Lord Yam, aka, the King of Death, The Lord of Dharma, who then decides; basis its deeds, if the soul goes to heaven or hell.

So, while I write reminiscing about him, dad is on his journey. I wish I could speak to him, ask him how it feels in that other world, if there really is an afterlife. But most of all, I want him to be okay. I want him to know we miss him, and that there is not one moment that we don’t wish he has back. Oh, how I wish there was a postal service where we could send letters to our beloved on the other side!

I wanted to take this time, to write to all you good people, who’ve been with me and my family all this time, secretly wishing for our happiness and been a humble companion in our loss. I am grateful to all of you who took the time to call and drop me your messages ascertaining I was in your thoughts. Words, as I’ve realised, are the most comforting companions, when you’re feeling the lowest in life. I know this, that all your prayers were with our beloved all this while and for that I am truly honored. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts. But more importantly, thank you for keeping our dad in your prayers.

This is why I have not been around for I have wanted to be wallowing in dad’s thoughts, his memories. More than a month now but not an ounce of pain less. Will it ever be?

I miss dad with a heart that’s never gonna be the same again. But I shall try and be around often, reading your words. Keep writing. Keep patience with me, dear friend. I shall be myself soon.

~~~~~

Asha Seth

44 thoughts on “Day 45: When Dad left for his Maker…

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  1. I am so sorry for your loss. Time will ease the pain, but you will always miss him. One day, you’ll see or hear something amazing and your first thought will be “I’ve got to tell Dad”, and then you’ll realize you can’t. But you will then realize that he already knows – and you’ll smile.

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  2. Dear girl, I can understand your pain. The loss of a parent is always, always too painful and heavy, and one that never leaves you. But I only hope that you stay strong and happy in the face of your loss, so you can carry on. You are a beautiful and lively girl who deserves every happiness in the world, I’m sure your Father too would have agreed with me. Chin up, babe. Stay strong! Love and prayers for your dearly departed father.

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  3. I didn’t read blogs for more than a year. ….. I’m so sorry to read this. Difficult to find words.

    My father died in April last year. I was ‘lucky’ to be without students, that time. He lived at the other side of the street, 50 meters from here, and I was able to take care for him in his last two months. Still it came as a surprise.
    For months after his death I didn’t write, didn’t make pictures … didn’t read any blogs …
    … if you want to talk/write … I’ll listen …

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    1. The last bit is like reading about myself. I can feel what you been through and yet, it doesn’t make it easier. I wish it did. I wish anything did. But does the pain go away no matter how many words we pour or how many tears we shed?

      I am grateful for your support, Bert. I am.

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      1. .. ‘t is difficult to bring under words. I never felt pain — I didn’t expect him to die except the last three days, when it went downhill very fast. ,but I had been able to say all my goodbyes and asked all my stocked up intimate questions before he died … he answered them all …

        … i had done what I could during the last months …

        .. i felt a lot of pain when my mother died, 30 years ago .. her cancer had been a disaster .. it was a dreadful path
        .. perhaps the contrast, the peaceful way to leave the earth in his sleep without much hospitals, doctors and other complications, made it easier?
        .. a friend who lost his father one year earlier told me that mourning is a strange animal, and whatever has been, or has not been, needs to find its place — it takes time.

        the time to adjust was very short, and my brain didn’t realize he was not there anymore, for at least a month. the habits of going to say hello, now and then, sharing food once and a while … even being halfway the evening of the day of his funeral … going to bring him some of the untouched leftovers of the funeral “coffee-reception” … ”

        after that came the paperwork … still going on but much less than the first 6 months.

        still emptying the house. Saying goodbyes to those walls within which I grew up, cared for by two happy parents and a 5 year older sister.

        Within one year, his sister and brother died too.
        So now I sometimes call myself: ‘the last generation’: the strange feeling of being free of his comments, but at the same time without his advise.

        … but when I look back, life was a lot different from usual — a slower life — different perspective — more rolled up in oneself, very introspective, digging …

        … only recently … i notice it has been like that, since that period seems to have concluded, somehow, between 12 and 15 months after he passed away …

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  4. I am sorry for your loss my friend. August was a hard month for me too. Lost a uncle who help raised me. I needed some quiet time. Few people love us always and they become part of us forever.

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    1. Thank you, John. I am sorry too for your loss. Peace of mind is hard to come by as I’ve realised in these 52 days now. Perhaps, we live for the ones we love and and with them gone, we are only just dragging along.
      I like what you’ve written. Those who love us, do become a part of us forever.

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  5. Words can’t cure your loss but I’m sure but I’m sure that they can provide at least some relief… May his soul rest in peace and your are blessed with courage to handle the loss. You’ll be remembered in prayer.

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  6. I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost 4 years ago so my heart really feels your pain. I can tell you that in time, the pain does lose it’s continual sharpness. Although it will always be there under the surface and peak out often. Wishing you all the comfort possible, and peace of mind and heart.

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    1. The worst kind of pain, thus, is losing someone who you never thought you’d have to live without. But life is such. I am sure it was tough for you. Must be still. I am with you, in thoughts and essence too. I wish you all the same back. Thank you.

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  7. I’m so sorry Asha, I didn’t know about it. You’ve probably heard a lot of this already, but stay strong. Your words are enough to describe what a strong person you are, I’m sure your Dad will be proud. Take care and stay strong :’)

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  8. Hey Asha! I am deeply sorry for your loss. I was away from this platform for a while and I missed on the happenings. Sending you a lot of strength in these times. There is a large pool of us readers in support of all your endeavours. It is so courageous of you to come out and write about something so personal. Just keep doing your part. I’m sure your father would be proud of you.

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    1. I had been delaying it. I could never find the right amount of courage. I still don’t know how I managed what I published. Days seems to be stuck in a limbo and I seem to have no heart for anything, whatsoever. Time, they say is the best healer. Right now. it’s time that’s the killer.
      It brings a spark of happiness, nonetheless, having such fine kind words to read from all you dear readers.
      What more could I ask for? Seeking in the universe of your words the one missing thing – Peace.
      Thank you, Chandan.

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  9. I am really sorry for your loss. My heartfelt condolences. Blessings and prayers for the departed soul…May Krishna gives you and your family the strength to move on!

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  10. I didn’t know , Ash. May his soul rest in peace.
    I am saddened by your loss , but I know his brave and strong a girl you are. I can feel that power that is your strength and courage that will see you through this time of loss and longing.

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  11. I’m glad you were able to share so much love for, and with, him while he was on earth. That is uplifting, for all the souls involved. My sympathy to you on the loss of your wonderful father. May his memory be for a blessing.

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    1. May you be blessed with happiness like your words just made me so much happier. Dad was a wonderful person. The more people I meet, the more I realise just how kind-hearted he was. Thanks, again.

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      1. Thank you for finding the verve to write a reply; I don’t think I could’ve, under the circumstances. I’ve been missing mine too, like crazy, lately. It’s a heartache and a heartbreak. Time was very slow in helping me with this loss of my own father. Maybe because I had so much love for him; he was a great father and man. I just hope you do find the peace, which will eventually come. Kind words and actions from people help. It’s the little things that count. Fond memories will pop up, here and there, as you go, and you will be able to smile in remembrance, once more. Things will remind you of him, and it is things like these which I sometimes take as a sign from him. It’s comforting. I hope, you too, will find comfort in the memories you shared with him, and be blessed, Asha. – Randy

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      2. 2nd reply: By the way, your blessing worked! Yesterday I received so much kindness from strangers. It really restored my happiness, and a bit more faith in mankind. Thank you! I hope my blessing works for you!

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“I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions.” ― James A. Michener

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