Forlorn but not Forgotten

Getting back after you’ve fallen down is easy. Getting back trying to live after life’s mercilessly clobbered you in the back, is a different deal altogether. One can’t begin to live just like they did. You realise you can’t so readily trust, not even life. Taking dad away from me was worse than betrayal. I hate life for it.

Once burnt, forever shy.

I want to go to someplace devoid of life and yell my frustrations off my head. I want the clouds of negativity to life off me, so I can breathe freely. Life is cruel and there’s nothing more I ask of it but to leave me alone and not go chasing after me. It took away from me what was most precious to me, without so much as a notice, and for that I can never in my heart find it to forgive anyone, whoever is responsible. But who is?

How do you forgive when the pain is all you see and feel?

Getting back to being normal is a task each day when only the frames from yesterday flicker before my eyes. Left and right. Back and forth. Until I’m blinded. Which way do I look so that those memories don’t keep hitting me square in my face? And yet, I try. I realise I need dad now more than I ever imagined and I can’t even tell him that.

Why is it either always too early or always too late?

Talking of getting back, I pick up pieces left untouched for a while. Yes, I am unbelievably, heartcrushingly forlorn, but I haven’t forgotten. First things first. I remember I promised free books on account of the blog birthday in July. I will start there. So, all of you who participated in the contest do leave me a reply below and help me get back to you. I look forward to sending you the books. Sorry for the trouble, guys. Hope you’d oblige.

Hurry, the free books await you.

~~~~~
Asha Seth

9 thoughts on “Forlorn but not Forgotten

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  1. You articulate your pain so well, I feel the intensity of it. I wish I could do more to help. You take your time with getting back to life and know you have much support whenever you need it.

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  2. Sending heartfelt thoughts in your direction Asha.. And while I know you are still feeling raw.. And these are only words.. But Time is a great healer of wounds, though I know the pain still remains.. Sending love. ❤

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  3. I am so sorry for your grief at your father’s death. My Dad died years ago when I was a small girl and I still miss him. Time, while it does not erase the pain, does diminish it. I hope that soon you can reach a place where you can think of your Dad with a smile rather than tears. Death keeps coming for those we love as I have experienced in the last few years with the death of my husband, nephew, older brother and mother. Now, we are facing the death of my young daughter-in-law from cancer. It’s never easy but we must find ways to endure and find peace. That is what our loved ones would want. Lori

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  4. Asha, I cannot begin to understand that pain that you must be feeling. All I can do is offer my condolences and to tell you that you are in my prayers. Pain like this… it doesn’t go away easily or quickly, but I will pray for your eventual healing. In the meantime, I just want to say that it is okay to be hurt and mad and pissed and sad and any emotion that you feel. If it takes you longer to “get back up” that is not a bad thing. Take your time, my friend.

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  5. It is absolutely devastating to lose someone, whom you loved, so suddenly and without knowing it is coming. Life is cruel like that. Picking up the pieces will help, but if you are totally burnt, then what you need is a complete transformation. A way to cherish your dad is to rehash the best qualities in him that you admire, and try to live them and take them forward. For example, my grandma was a huge fan of carnatic music and she had written elaborate notes on many songs and her classes. While I cannot bring my grandma back, I have pledged to take the carnatic music forward in whatever way I can, that way she lives through the efforts. Hope that helps, and if you feel like talking, I can listen. Take care!

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  6. I can understand your pain in depth, as I lost my only and younger brother last year. Sorry is not enough to let you know I’m with you in your pain. Whenever you feel like you can share with me. In your hard times I can lend you my ears and heart. Nothing can connect humans better than pain. Though I know some griefs are very personal and sometimes we just need to stay alone in these times. I wish you lots of strength and love!

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“I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions.” ― James A. Michener

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